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GLaDOS/Quotes/Peer Review

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The following is a list of quotes from GLaDOS, from the Portal 2 DLC Peer Review.


Location: sound/vo/glados

Filename(s) Quote
dlc1_leaderboard01 That was genuinely mildly impressive.
dlc1_leaderboard02 Well done.
dlc1_leaderboard03 Congratulations.
dlc1_leaderboard04 Good.
dlc1_leaderboard05 Bad news.
dlc1_leaderboard06 Impressive.
dlc1_leaderboard07 [impressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
dlc1_leaderboard08 You've beaten your own record.
dlc1_leaderboard09 You're getting worse.
dlc1_leaderboard10 You have a new rank.
dlc1_leaderboard11 You have a new, better rank.
dlc1_leaderboard12 You have a new, worse rank.
dlc1_leaderboard13 You have a new, worse rank. Congratulations. To everyone above you.
dlc1_leaderboard14 You almost beat your friend's record. Almost. I want to stress that.
dlc1_leaderboard15 You almost beat your friend's record. But you didn't. It might be easier just to find new friends.
dlc1_leaderboard16 Congratulations. You are better than everyone.
dlc1_leaderboard17 You are faster than everyone.
dlc1_leaderboard18 You used less portals than anyone.
dlc1_leaderboard19 You're better than everyone. For now.
dlc1_leaderboard20 You are playing above the global average. Statistically speaking, there are actually people playing worse than you.
dlc1_leaderboard21 [unimpressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
dlc1_leaderboard22 You've beaten your own record. That's a low bar, but you managed to gently tip-toe over it.
dlc1_leaderboard23 Very not completely bad.
dlc1_leaderboard24 Oops.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_intro01 I call this piece 'Stages'. It was designed to traumatize subjects into potent self-discovery, followed by euphoria, followed by submersion in acid.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_introb01 I call this piece—
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_introb02 —you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_outro01 Good work. Please proceed to the next exhibit.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_outro02 Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh...
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_outro03 The disassembler's not working.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_outro07 It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole.
dlc1_mp_coop_2paints_1bridge_outrob01 You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_2paints1bridge01 Oh good. You found it. I prefer to let art appreciators 'discover' an exhibit on their own.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_2paints1bridge02 Oh. You found it again. Well, I suppose an artist should be flattered by repeat viewings.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid01 The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid02 Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children's museum.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid03 Thank you for appreciating the corrosive acid.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid04 Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the acid more?
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid05 I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_acid06 Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now?
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic01 I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic04 The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic05 I love the contrast in styles. You're traveling through art installations, but you're doing so completely artlessly.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic06 I'm open to critique, by the way, so feel free to comment on the exhibits. You can be absolutely brutal with me. I promise to do the same with you.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic07 As art appreciators go, you make excellent test subjects.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic08 I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swandived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic09 For this exhibit I was working with a death motif. But I see you've figured that out.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic10 I see you enjoy exploring these themes in some depth.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic11 Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. So why don't you try that now.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_generic12 I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real 'solution'. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it.
dlc1_mp_coop_art_death_turret01 Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_intro01 Oh, good, it worked.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_intro03 The fact that whoever's in that chassis showed her hand like this means she's sending us a message: she's not AFRAID of me.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_intro04 But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_intro06 Your move, Mystery Wom— She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_introb01 Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_introb02 It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not AFRAID of me.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outro03 Mission accomplished. Now she knows we're not afraid of her. That was just to get the scheming juices flowing. Here's the real scheme: we are going to KILL her.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outro04 Normally I'd just build killing machines to do that, but she seems to have sabotaged that too.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outro07 So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outrob01 Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outrob02 That was just to get the scheming juices flowing.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outrob03 Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines.
dlc1_mp_coop_bridge_catch_outrob04 So you can murder her.
dlc1_mp_coop_catapult_catch_intro01 This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean.
dlc1_mp_coop_catapult_catch_outro02 Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.'
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_morale01 To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force.
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_morale03 I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. That was cruel. Though basically accurate. Though probably counterproductive.
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_morale04 Well. That concludes the motivational speech.
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_morale05 Oh, we're here! Well. That concludes the motivational speech.
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_morale07 Go get her.
dlc1_mp_coop_finalgantry_nag03 I've done the best I could to train you and prepare you for this moment, so let's get in there and murder her.
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_deathb01 (page flip) 'Don't you die on me.'
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_deathb03 (page flip) 'No guts. No glory.' Well, you don't have either, so that's accurate.
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_deathb04 (page flip) 'Remember: If you can dream it, you can—' Oh, for god's sake.
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_intro01 Let's see... 'turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... ah!
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_intro02 'How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high.'
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_intro03 Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median hight of seven feet five inches, and I AM aware of it.
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_intro04 'Test subject, I've been told that your mother—'
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_intro05 Mmm. Well that's just digusting. Do the training. While I look at this.
dlc1_mp_coop_laser_tbeam_outro01 Okay, killing machines: look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: It's still marshmallow.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_fixed03 Remember when I mentioned that it's been one hundred thousand years and all the humans are alive? That was a lie. All the humans are dead.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_fixed05 (british voice) (beep) Deception sphere disabled.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_fixed06 There. Anyway, everything's fine. There should be a disassembly chamber around here. Go find it while I think of new things to be honest with you about.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_intro01 Good. There's a breaker attached to every set of disassembly tubes. Find it and cycle the power.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro01 (British Voice) (beep) Deception sphere disabler misrepresentation mode disabled.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro02 Remember when I promised to stop lying?
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro05 Anyway, I wanted you to hear this:
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro08 So: I lied about the power failure being nothing to worry about.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro09 A hugely less untrue version of that exact same sentiment would be that SOMEONE's found my original prototype chassis, has connected themselves to it, and is attempting to sabotage the facility.
dlc1_mp_coop_midpoint_outro10 Truthfully, you shouldn't even be using these compromised disassemblers. Oops, too late. Good luck.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_intro02 She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_intro03 This is as close as I could get you. The prototype chassis room's just past this chamber.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_lights01 The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill— She's turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision!
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_lights03 Wait, she turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_outro01 The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember: you're killing machines!
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_crazy_box_outrob01 Brace yourselves. Be ready for anything. This one isn't an idiot like the last one.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_rat_maze_intro01 I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am POSITIVE these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_rat_maze_intro03 Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course. But I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference.
dlc1_mp_coop_paint_rat_maze_outro01 These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side: thanks for nothing.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_enterbreaker01 The breakers are right there. Cycle the power.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_enterbreaker02 Hurry. We need to start your training. Before something ELSE happens.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_enteroffice01 There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_entertest01 Good work. The disassemblers are fixed.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_entertest02 That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice01 Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice02 But she's forced my hand.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice04 Listen to me carefully.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice05 We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice06 It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice07 It's only been a week.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice08 I lie when I'm nervous.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice09 The next logical question: WHY am I nervous?
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice11 I'm not! That was another lie.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice13 We're in a lot of trouble.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice14 It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_inoffice16 We are not in the future. I lied about that.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob01 Here's our problem:
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob03 There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob04 I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob05 Like... well, you-know-who.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob06 It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are.
dlc1_mp_coop_portal_bts_outrob07 The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_intro03 Welcome. To the future.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_intro04 It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_intro05 You'll be happy to know that science is over. I solved it. Without you. I now construct tests purely for their artistic merit.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_intro07 I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_intro08 Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_introb03 It's been a long time since I last assembled you.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_introb05 Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_introb06 Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_introb09 The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_outro01 I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. All the humans did too. They're fine, by the way. Everything's fine.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_outro05 In fact, if you see any humans, let me know.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_outrob01 I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. For as long as you did. Not that there's any rush.
dlc1_mp_coop_separation_1_outrob03 (beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_acid01 Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy! We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_acid02 By doing that, you're walking right into her hands. Well, technically you're walking right into acid, but you understand my point.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_generic02 I appreciate what you're doing, going for a laugh to keep spirits high, but I think the time for death-based slapstick is over.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_generic03 Perhaps I haven't made it clear, but all these little deaths are going to add up to one much longer-lasting one...for all of us...if you don't get better at this fast.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_generic04 Pull yourselves together, this training is for your benefit.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_generic08 How brave of you. You know the assembly machine could fail at any time, and yet you still insist on testing it.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_generic10 Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the madwoman planning to kill all of us.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_partnerkill01 I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing HER.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_partnerkill04 I'm making notes here. Some of what you're doing will come in handy when we face her. Right now: not actually handy.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_partnerkill05 Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently.
dlc1_mp_coop_threat_death_partnerkill07 I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. 'Killing-each-other' machines, but still.
dlc1_mp_coop_tripleaxis_intro01 I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you.
dlc1_mp_coop_tripleaxis_outro01 Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't.

Outro video[edit]

Location: N/A

Filename(s) Quote
dlc1_mp_coop_ending01 Oh. My. God.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending05 IT'S THE BIRD! RUN! RUN!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending06 Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending09 It's the bird!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending10 Run! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending11 Run! Right now! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending12 Abort! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending13 Auuugh! Oh GOD!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending16 Operation Kill Machine abort! The eagle is in the nest!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach01 Why are you not running?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach02 Don't get close to it!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach04 It can't be killed! It can't be reasoned with!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach06 What are you doing? Fall back!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach07 What are you doing?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach08 Why are you not running?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach09 Forget your training! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach11 You're not killing machines! I lied about that! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach12 I have no plan for this! Run! Run! Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach15 Fall back!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach17 I have no plan for this!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach18 Run!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_approach19 Get back! She's at the controls!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack01 Oh God! We've lost! It's over!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack02 Flank!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack03 Mission abort!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack04 Abort!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack05 Retreat!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack06 Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack07 Your eye! She's going for your eye!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack08 Abort! Mission abort!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack09 I warned you!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack10 What did I tell you?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack11 Blue Squad! More tactics! Good!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack12 Orange Squad! Maintain the perimeter!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_attack14 Blue squad! Less tactics!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success01 Ahhhhh.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success02 Ahhhhh.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success03 Oh.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success07 That was close. Nice hustle, Kill Machines.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success10 You know: shooing that bird out of the facility just now taught me a valuable OH MY GOD SHE'S GESTATING A CLONE ARMY!
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success11 SMASH THEM! SMASH THEM AND STOMP THEM AND... and... wait.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_success13 I have a better idea.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger01 Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Oviperous Warming Vault.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger06 Stop looking at me like that.
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb01 Do I have your complete attention?
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb02 Good.
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb03 You were abandoned. Because you're worthless. You're worthless, unloved birds with fat, ugly beaks.
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb05 I'm honestly impressed that you managed to squeeze those huge beaks into such tiny eggs.
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb06 Yes. I'm talking to you, Mr. Chubby Beak. You marshmallow—[smash] Oh!
dlc1_mp_coop_stingerb07 No. You're NOT marshmallows, are you?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger14 Hm. You're not MARSHMALLOWS though, are you?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger15 No.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger16 Look at those cold avian eyes. Those talons. Those razor-sharp beaks.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger17 You're little killing machines, aren't you?
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger18 Yes.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger19 Go to sleep, my little killers.
dlc1_mp_coop_ending_stinger20 Mommy's got a big day for you tomorrow.