Talk:Cave Johnson

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Image[edit]

There is a picture that says "Our Founder" in the Ratman Lair of the Companion Cube chamber, but his head is covered by a pic of the cube. Do you think it is him?--Sandwichman2449 16:03, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Kotaku providewhat?[edit]

While I still doubt the image, is Kotaku's theory valid? I think a source is a least needed. Half Life is built on speculation and ambiguity, so rampant fan fiction and speculation that builds on speculation can easily weasel its way in all over. Also, what is with this "Kotaku provideth" comment? I take is as either a grammatical error or someone regarding Kotaku's speculation in a biblical sense.--User:Sandwichman2449 23:17, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Leaked Script[edit]

Where does one find this leaked script? I would love to see this script. 64.148.145.171 01:27, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

I believe this was the original source, it has the full audition script: [1]. For some reason, Kotaku never posted the whole thing. I absolutely love the last two paragraphs in particular. --WarlockSoL 18:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Citations Needed[edit]

These will be delted untill someone can comeup with a citation.

While the Take-A-Wish Foundation was a failure, the government invested in the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver and the Portal Device. The Heimlich Counter-Maneuver was used against several members of dangerous Middle Eastern terrorist organizations, and the Portal Device was given tons of government funding and eventually came to fruition and was tested by test subjects like Chell in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Cave Johnson will be a major character in the upcoming game. At this point of the game, he will apparently be a friend of the protagonist and be dead, but has been revived inside of a computer. From a casting call and leaked portions of the script, he appears to function much like GLaDOS did in the first game, initially helping the player before slowly becoming an antagonist while going insane. Cave is helpful towards the player, while simultaneously thinking about the afterlife and other issues, since he can do little other than think, now that he is dead.

Portal 2 Confirmation and Image Validation[edit]

Well, there a few things I'd like to address here. One, is Cave Johnson's appearance in Portal 2, a sequel which is definitely over the horizon. Back in June 2008, a supposed casting call for the role of Cave Johnson was leaked on the internet along with a sample of the Portal 2 script. While seemingly true, many questioned the sincerity of this leak and it remained ambiguous. However now in March 2010, a series of updates for Portal were released, and I'm too lazy to explain all of that, so I'll cut to it and show you: in these texts found in the new ARG, a letter from Cave Johnson was found. Some of the text in this letter is a direct match to that in the script excerpt, leading me to believe that it wasn't so fake after all. The matching quote is "How good is the science here? Get a load a' this: I am dead! Now, yer probably askin' yourself, "Cave, come on now. How is this possible? Are you some manner of Dracula? Or Frankenstein? Or dependin' on yer cultural heritage, a Blackula or Latin Frankenstein? No sir! It's science. As of this mornin', yer old buddy Cave has been resurrected inside of a computer."

The other thing I wanted to say, was the validation of the image of Cave Johnson found in the same leak mentioned earlier. I'm pretty sure that the photo in the Ratman den with "our founder" written underneath with the photographed person's head covered by a Companion Cube, is the same portrait of Johnson as the leaked one, minus the cube. You can even see the outlines are the same. Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about the whole thing. - Halo-343 21:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Although it may be Cave, the pictures are different. That just doesn't match. And as for the texts, yeah, it's real after all. Klow 23:22, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
Yes, the image was my mistake. I must have been thinking of something else. - Halo-343 18:45, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

A Couple Things[edit]

First of all, the use of the term "simple portal technology" as it relates to shower curtains is a bit of a joke. They're just shower curtains. Aperture Science was not selling anything resembling something that should justify linking to the "portal technology" page of the wiki.

Second of all, it's obvious why Cave was making mercury-lined shower curtains for the heads of the Navy - they screwed him out of even more money. The reason Aperture is so wealthy is government contracts - it's a play on government bureaucracy and corruption. Seeing as how the Navy was the only branch to deny his contract, Cave is attempting to assassinate them. This backfires on him due to his own ineptitude, causing his death.

Please sign your comments and/or register. It's inconvenient to talk to unsigned, disembodied, IP addresses.

If these shower curtains do not involve a portal technology, why is it said the name was kept to "appear more hygienic"? Why do they insist on that if it's obviously to be a standard curtain?... Klow 13:50, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

It's just a brand name. It's branding. The portal name is used to make the curtains "appear" more, hygienic which is far and away from them actually being more hygienic. Suggesting that Aperture was in the business of selling actual teleportation technology to the general populace is ridiculous. As is not getting why Cave made those mercury curtains for the Navy. 173.77.76.37 18:56, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I guess you make sense, my friend. I'll rectify this. Klow 19:18, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
Wait. What does "Early product line provides a very low-tech portal between the inside and outside of your shower." mean, then? A "very low-tech portal"?... Klow 19:38, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Any kind of doorway could be considered a "very lowtech portal." It's a gag. The Half-Life universe is crazy, but I'm pretty sure it's not crazy enough to have people using teleportation technology to step out of their showers in 1953. Also, I'd suggest simply removing the sentence "it is unknown why" at the end of the second paragraph. Let the reader figure out why Cave might have a grudge against the Navy. 173.77.76.37 21:17, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Also, it's worth noting that Cave didn't even come up with the idea of teleportation technology until he was on his death bed in 1979 173.77.76.37 21:26, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
Why don't you register? You'd be a fine asset for the wiki! So I see your point about teleportation, it makes more sense to me now. One thing, however, about the Navy. While that grudge is plausible, there is no clear evidence of this. I don't know if the poisoned curtains are enough to blatantly say that the Navy didn't want his curtains. Klow 23:09, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Well here's how the Navy thing goes down:

Aperture gets a fat government contract to supply the Air Force and Army with shower curtains. This means a lot of money. I'm not sure how familiar you are with US history as it pertains to this kind of thing, but these kind of contracts a prone to corruption, where the company supplying the product makes ridiculous profits. $100 for a regular toilet seat, for example. These deals can also go down directly or indirectly because of bribes. This is also important because it's probably also where Aperture gets all its deep pockets to develop insane ideas like the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver.

The Navy being the only branch of the military not to sign on is significant, and likely seen as Cave as a direct insult. So he makes up shower curtains for the Navy Appropriations Committee - which is the group of people directly responsible for deciding who gets what contracts and how much money they get, etc.

I think it's pretty obvious to most readers with the knowledge of how these things work what happened and why, and the "it is unknown why" sentence only serves to cloud the issue.

Thanks for the compliment! I'll think about registering if I find a bit more time, or maybe when Portal 2 hype start to draw me in around release time... :) 173.77.76.37 23:52, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Just register at least for getting rid of the ads. If you register you'll see them only on the main page. Or just use an ad blocker...

Thanks for the deeper information, that was very informative. I'm not American, so while I know many things about the US, I didn't know that. But I guess it's the same everywhere... Klow 01:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Apple and Cave Johnson[edit]

On the Apple Games page for Portal, there is a message from Cave Johnson. http://www.apple.com/games/articles/2010/05/portal/


"FROM: Cave Johnson TO: Executive Team RE: The Portal Project Those damn bean counters brought this to my attention again today. I told them, hey, I’m busy cheating death right now, so could you hold your horses? No, sir, they could not, so I had to drop everything and attend to this here matter.

The following is some information that I’ve been told could assist our test subjects, if they were to find out about it. That would seriously impair the scientific value of what we’re doing here at Aperture Science, to say nothing of the harm it would do to our profits, so I’m sending this warning to all members of my executive team. If I find out that you have disseminated the following to anyone, for any reason, you will become our next test subject.

That is all."

Should this be put in the article? --68.94.195.173 16:22, September 5, 2010 (UTC)

Interesting. But is it official? Klow 08:25, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
Im not sure. --68.94.199.18 15:25, October 2, 2010 (UTC)


Actually I just noticed something I don't notice before: "The following is some information that I’ve been told could assist our test subjects, if they were to find out about it." Below is the cheats section. So, it doesn't really have any purpose besides adding humor. Should it still be added? --68.94.199.18 15:28, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

For the sake of being comprehensive, I'd say that it should be mentioned, with a citation to the Apple games page for it, rather than actually quoting it as being official. Bramblepath 11:25, October 3, 2010 (UTC)

New Cave Johnson Artwork[edit]

I'm sorry for barging in, but I've been a lurker for a while (and I think I have a registered account, but I never use it), and I think this might be helpful.

I found an updated picture of Cave Johnson in the Cooperative Testing Type Quiz on Portal 2's website: http://www.thinkwithportals.com/coopsurvey/images/char_cave.jpg

All the best, LDMythos

I tried putting that version in as a replacement for the image we have now but the original one keeps overriding against mine and causing an unintended spam in that image's file history. Oh god, I really need help here. I tried to replace the image but it keeps letting the original image take over mine.
Can someone please help fix this? McFlurryMax 00:02, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
Fixed. Please next time THINK first. You didn't have to replace the old picture, we need it to show the artwork evolution. Wikia's cache tends to be a bit slow to refresh new image versions, so you just had to be patient instead of uploading the same picture 10x. pressing Ctrl + F5 would also refreshed your own cache. What I did to fix the problem is reuploaded the pic and renamed it so that it is properly refreshed and not a deformed version of a previous version. I blocked you McFlurryMax to prevent more mess, and unblocked you when I was done. No need to cry. I personally don't give a damn who is credited to the pic. If that can make you stop whining you can reupload a new version and I'll delete my version, so that you get your nice little credit. Klow 00:37, April 16, 2011 (UTC)


Could you put up the two newer art of cave? As a young guy in the 50's and an old man in the 80's?

Birthplace, Salt Mine Purchase[edit]

According to this newspaper found in, I believe, the beginning of Chapter 7, Cave Johnson purchased a salt mine in upper Michigan. Judging by the title of the newspaper, "The UP Pioneer Press", it's safe to assume the mine is somewhere in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I searched for salt mines in the UP and only found one: Caledonia Mine in Ontonogan, MI. It's hard to know if Valve made up a salt mine or they meant this one. Year of purchase 1947. According to the Aperture Laboratories page, the Enrichment Center is in Cleveland, OH, meaning this salt mine is not the one explored in the game.

The date on the newspaper reads Thursday, January (day illegible), 1944. That same display case establishes that Aperture was founded as a science company in 1947 and was already second banana to some other military contractor (Black Mesa, obviously) by 1952. Portal 2 has various other retcons to the aperturescience.com source regarding Aperture's history and changes need to be made here and on the Aperture Laboratories page. There's already a talk topic on the ApLabs page regarding this. That talk page also already has posts disputing the placement of the enrichment center in Cleveland. --Calder87 11:03, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

The newspaper headline reads "LOCAL ENTREPRENEUR BUYS SALT MINE". The word "local" heavily implies that Cave Johnson was either from Michigan's Upper Peninsula or was heavily active in the area prior to moving things to Cleveland.--Ricodued 19:04, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

Moon Rocks[edit]

Is it worth to say that maybe those $70M worth of moon rock Aperture bought in the 80's were probably acquired by opening a portal on the moon like Chell did? Because it's clear that at that time, Aperture was in serious financial trouble, and Cave even says they wouldn't be able to buy that quantity.

188.81.220.5 05:31, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

I interpreted his line to mean wasn't 'financially viable' to buy $70M worth of moon rocks, but he "bought 'em anyway". He does say that he bought them, as opposed to merely getting them. Furthermore, when we visit the moon later on we just happen to see the lunar lander and lunar rover from, apparently, Apollo 17. Considering the government connections Aperture Science had, I think if anyone had thought of making a portal to the moon it would have replaced the entire Apollo program and gotten AS all the funding they would ever need. It seems more likely that the portal gun never the testing rooms deep underground until Chell did that (or possibly on the Borealis). 67.248.191.73 09:46, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
It could have been that the equipment to retrieve the moon rocks from the moon cost $70M (ie. space suits), and they did use a portal. Its hard to imagine that there is any other way that they could have got that amount of rocks to create probably millions or billions of gallons of conversion gel.--64.9.130.95 05:26, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

Cave Johnson's Death[edit]

Under "Died" it says "Died Later/This year 1976." Cave Johnson died some time around 1982 (according to the Portal 2 Guide). Just thought someone might want to make it a little more accurate.

Can you provide a proper citation for this "Portal 2 Guide?" Also, please sign your notes on talk pages. --Calder87 14:51, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not exactly sure how to provide a proper citation for a book (I got off of the official Portal 2 guide, which is a book). On another note, if the edit to his death was due to this comment, please note it was around 1982, not necessarily in that exact year.

Zoronii 04:14, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Possible History Re-Write for Portal 2[edit]

I have a strong feeling that the company history for Ap. Sci. in Portal 2 has been re-written in order to be less ridiculous than the original company history created for the release of Portal. This includes cave Johnson's death, because it's very clear that he died from silicosis after inhaling moon dust; this is supported by *actual* science because moon dust is extremely fine siliceous material and inhaling such fine silica dust causes a medical condition called silicosis which is a real-world occupational hazard in industries that use concrete, drywall, sandblasting, and other sectors that utilize fine silica dusts. It is a very painful death associated with excessive coughing, like the one suffered by Johnson. Alexcranson 15:37, April 24, 2011 (UTC)

I did have problems reading that history after playing Portal 2. It just didn't seem to fit the same, but it does seem to be canon. It'd be hard to say which way this actually goes without direct developer mention. ~ɠą§ɔîéɳčę { talk } 15:47, April 24, 2011 (UTC)
I agree. I got the impression that the huge dates on the walls (starting with the 1950's and increasing as we get closer to the modern sections) were to show when that part of the facility was being used. It also sounded like, through Cave's voice, he made each recording some time apart (perhaps as each test chamber was built, which I imagine would take a year or two, at least). He even sounds (in the beginning of his recordings) like he was recording for a 50's TV show, and projected himself in a manner I associate with that time period.
Also, from his voice I thought he would look more like the editor in Spider Man (at least with a mustache) 98.127.143.223 04:01, April 29, 2011 (UTC)

Pain Pills[edit]

In one of his later speeches he asks Caroline to get him pain pills, is this a reference to the pain pills in Left 4 Dead? — Unsigned comment by LoneWolf2056

Please sign comments on Talk Pages.
I doubt it. CJ is in a lot of pain from the illness he got from crushing moon rocks and I can see him needing the pills to function. -Shorty1982 23:25, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yea, I just thought that because he said pain pills rather than tablets or something that it was a reference LoneWolf2056 23:39, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

I've personally have never heard anybody refer to them as "pain tablets", always "pain pills". As that's the common terminology (at least in my experience) it only makes sense for them to be referred to as such in the game. -Shorty1982 23:45, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
That doesn't mean they're mutually exclusive though. Cave's in a lot of pain in this scene, and Valve probably saw an opportunity to throw in a shout out to one of their other games. Sangheili1024 20:24, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

Cave Johnson and Bill Fletcher[edit]

Rolled back the link for Bill Fletcher from his Moby Games profile back to the image of him that was there originally. The profile is more descriptive, but the whole point of the trivia entry is to reference what he looks like in real life to compare him to Cave. The Moby profile doesn't have a photo.

Reset the link to the Moby profile and put in a reference to the photo. --DuctJackson 19:08, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

Why not change the quote?[edit]

The lemon rant is well-known, true, but I think "So, who's ready to make some science?" is more consice and indicative of what he's usually like. OrangeParka 04:37, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

Because doing so would probably spark an edit war between the people who think it's the most hilarious thing ever, and the people who are tired of hearing it ad nauseum. Sangheili1024 03:58, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
Fair enough. Objectively the example I gave is a better quote than the lemon one according to Wikipedia's manual of style, but I digress. OrangeParka 04:37, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
We could battle endlessly over which quote to use, but more than likely it will change in the future, and no one will complain. Bramblepath 09:19, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

A similar quote between Cave and Glados[edit]

There's a quote spoke by Glados at Poral 1 and this quote look very familiar with one spoken by cave. The quotes spoken by Glados is: "GLaDOS: [the player is carrying a sphere that fell from GLaDOS] Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?" And the Cave's one is: "Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired."

I have been thinking if is there any possibility of Cave has a bit of himself on Glados... Quite so is a familiar quote between them...

Thats all


--189.4.144.28 18:09, July 16, 2011 (UTC) @willnuts_ --189.4.144.28 18:09, July 16, 2011 (UTC)